Don’t compare yourself

A few years ago, I used to follow a simple living blog by a rather amazing woman.

Too amazing, as it turned out.

Every one of her blog posts made me feel inferior, incompetent. Her home was perfect. Her cooking was magnificent. Her chickens – oh, her chickens! – they weren’t just a mongrel mix like mine, no! They were purebred from long lines going back to the early settlers. And her cleaning – well, not a single chemical product from a discount store ever entered her home, I’m sure of it.

I’m sure her goal was to be friendly and helpful. But everything was so perfect that, when I compared my feeble attempts at housekeeping to hers, all I could feel was incompetent and inferior.

I stopped following her blog because it made me feel so bad about myself.

Curating life in blogs

You know, when we see people’s lives online or in the mass media, we see the edited, curated version. We don’t see reality.

Of course, we really do know this inside – our “logic brains” know this – but we can’t help being fooled anyway that somehow what we see is the everyday reality. When it isn’t.

My everyday – like yours, I’d guess – is about being confronted by:

– piles of washing,
– recipes that don’t come out quite right,
To Do lists that never get quite To Done,
– weight loss attempts that never make my goals,
– home decorating projects that don’t quite measure up to the magazines,

and so on!

In short, I live in reality. What I see, all around me in my home, is real life – not the curated, edited version which that amazing blogger – and others like her – was showing me.

If something makes you feel bad, edit it out!

I hated the way reading her blog made me feel.

I could feel jealousy, nastiness, bitterness, snarkiness, guilt, inferiority, hatred…you name it. All these horrible feelings rising in me – and all because of a blog by a woman I’d never even met. That’s nuts. But it seemed that everything I did, she did better. And that hurt.

Our brains can sure be stupid sometimes, can’t they!

Comparing our own reality to a curated display is never going to turn out well. It’s not a level playing field. They’re the sleek Photoshopped magazine photo and we’re the holiday snap, slightly out of focus, with sunburn and a few extra pounds. Different worlds – one “prepared earlier” and the other live-to-air and very real.

There are some great blogs out there. I’ve learned some great tips from many of them, and even made some good friends. I even learned a lot from that amazing woman’s blog.

But if a blog makes you feel bad about yourself, or makes you feel like your life is inferior in some way, then it’s time to “unfollow”. Edit it right out of your life!

Remember that what they’re presenting is just a form of fiction. It doesn’t matter. It never did. They’re living in a different place, in different conditions, in a different world to you. Your reality is important, not theirs.

So close those fairy stories that were never anything more than a fantasy anyway, and have a cup of tea. Your world and your reality are just fine, with or without fancy photos for the internet, and your unique perspective on the world is something that no-one else can provide ๐Ÿ™‚

tea

4 thoughts on “Don’t compare yourself

    • I don’t know. Maybe the problem was me, and somehow the way that blog was presented just pushed my buttons in the wrong way.

      Looking back, I certainly can’t blame her. I was the problem, because I couldn’t differentiate between her well curated presentation of her life and my own messy version of my reality. These days I’m more able to see that what people present on blogs isn’t necessarily fact. And I’m more content with who I am and with my life – with all its confusion, messes and stuff-ups! ๐Ÿ™‚

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s