My story, OR: How I found my freedom

I’m Lee. This is my story.

When I was in my twenties, I lived in a big city.
I spent every lunch time shopping, and spent every cent I had.
My home was filled with all the stuff I’d bought, all the clothes I’d purchased, all the CDs I’d used my credit card on.
I thought all that stuff would make me happy.
It didn’t.

melbourne

So I became an environmentalist.
Went vegetarian, then vegan.
Had two kids because that’s what you’re supposed to do.
Became a stay-at-home mum because that’s what you’re supposed to be.
I moved to New Zealand, bought a farm.
Went organic.
Did everything I could to be as “green” as I could be.
I thought all that stuff would make me happy.
It didn’t.

I don’t know how my huge farmhouse in New Zealand became cluttered with stuff.
It just did.
Kid toys and clothes and artwork.
Gifts and furniture and makeup and games.
Electronics and gadgets I have no name for.
All the farm tools in the shed.
Clothes that might fit me one day when I lost weight.
Clothes that I hated but that at least fit me now.
Bone china I’d inherited and never used.
Jewelry I’d inherited and couldn’t sell, because if I did I’d feel guilty.

So much stuff.
All of it, weighing me down.
All of it, caging me, keeping my soul locked and trapped.
All of it, telling me what to do, who to be, what to buy, what to look like.

Until one day, when I was broken enough.
I stopped.
I just stopped.

I looked at the stuff.
I said to myself, and to the world:
I have enough.

And I began to let it all go.
I realised it was just stuff.
Not precious, not at all.
None of it.
None.
Not one bit.
Nothing.

Just stuff.

That was the day I set myself free.

beach1

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